Finally!

Saturday was the big Adams Family Christmas Party at Rory's Great Grandparents house. Rory made a new friend! :)

I'm finding it hard to get the motivation to post lately. I can't guarantee that I have any followers, and more than anything I like writing so that I can look back and maybe find strength from our past struggles to power through our future struggles. I can't seem to find motivation, not because we aren't busy, or nothing is happening, but because there is so much going on and I am finding myself very tired and unmotivated at days end.

We are on day 6 of treatment!!! It stinks.... The medication upsets Aurora's tummy, makes her drowsy, and VERY irritable. All I can think is how sad it is that I have to make her feel terrible in hopes of making her better.

I know I can speak for both Jordan and I when I say we are struggling!

I only wish I could describe what it's like watching this illness steal pieces of my daughter daily. It has been a few days over a month that IS turned our world upside down. Before they began, Rory was a healthy thriving 5 month old who was starting to babble, just sitting up on her own (albeit wobbly), rolling from belly to back, batting at toys, and grabbing things to put in her mouth. Our lives changed over night. Within a week she was no longer reaching for toys, no longer putting things in her mouth, her wobbly sitting is not improving, and she is still only rolling one way. She is now 6 and a half months and stuck here. On top of it, due to her medication, her giggles are fewer and her cries are more frequent.

Our beautiful son wants nothing more than to hug her. He gives her kisses and points to her when she comes in the room. He is smart, and active. We watched him grow and improve everyday from the time he was born to become the brilliant, sweet boy that we are so proud of today... I'm afraid of coming to terms that we may not have those same joys with Rory. I will always be proud of everything she is. She is a fighter. My heart still breaks for the opportunities that may have been STOLEN from her.

Now that I have that out, let me share a short story:
This afternoon Jordan and I had just put Noah down for a nap. We went down to the basement to play with Rory and spend some much needed time together before he left for work. He laid Rory down under her dangling toys and was on the phone with his dad. I looked over to see our princess batting and grabbing the toys... for the first time in over a month.
Jordan hung up on his dad, wrapped his arms around me and cried.

She has already proven that my worst fears are nothing more than exactly that, just fears.
We have a loving heavenly father that is in her corner. I was filled with calm. I now know that she plans to defy my expectations, and I could not be more proud of her.

Every day is a new struggle. I find myself in a constant battle to put pants on in the morning, face the day, and move forward, when I, in fact, would rather go back to last month and pretend this never happened.

I have a wonderful relief society president that I am very fortunate to have as a neighbor. As if that isn't lucky enough, she is a very good friend, and has experience with having a special needs child. We chatted today for a long time, we discussed medications, doctors, and getting second opinions. Out of everything we talked about, she said something to me that will bring me more comfort in the days to come than anything I could have imagined. She told me that I am special. God hand picked me to care for this special child.

I won't let Aurora, or my Heavenly Father down.

I am not being punished, He entrusted her into my care. Despite how hard this has been, I would not exchange her for any other child in the entire world. I accept this responsibility fully. Our journey is just beginning.