A New Day.

Today is a new day! Our little fighter is doing well on medication at this point. Her dosage was upped and she is now at the desired dosage. So far the only side effects we are noticing is some irritability, which we can totally handle.
Little Lady is continuing to bat and kick at toys, babbling, grabbing at things near to her, and even occasionally giggling. Big brother, Noah, just started the toddler program at Lighthouse Montessori, so while he is at school for a few hours on Monday and Tuesday mornings, we get to have some sweet girl bonding time... however... SHE IS  STILL A HUUUUGE DADDY'S GIRL!!! (I'm totally jealous.)

We have been referred to Primary  Children's in Salt Lake City. A bigger city with more doctors that have specialized training are our best resource right now.
The scary thing about IS is that it is an aggressive seizure disorder. Even tho' we are happy to not be seeing any seizures, that doesn't necessarily mean we are out of the woods. Break through seizures happen, symptoms reoccur. Patients may develop epilepsy in the future, or autism, or severe cognitive impairment. Permanent damage MAY already be done.

Rory has to have a sedated MRI next week. Scary...
The results will be faxed to her new neurologist in Salt Lake, who we will be seeing the following week. Our hopes are that there are no abnormalities, that any further EEG's will be clean and normal, and in a few months she can be weaned from her medication and there will be no relapse of symptoms. Praying for remission.

We never really know what is around each corner. I am saddened to find that we are experiencing the "snowball effect" at this point in time. That old saying "when it rains, it pours," is far too true. I am struggling at times to find that stress, anxiety, and sadness are keeping me from being not only the general type of person I WANT to be, but most importantly, it's keeping me from be the mother and wife that I want to be, and that my family DESERVES.

Self pity is my ultimate enemy. I'm sure I've talked before about how I suffer from the "why me disease." I always think, "why am I being piled with money struggles, family difficulties, and THIS on top of EVERYTHING." I can't count how many times I have thought, "is it this hard for everyone?" I spend hours on my knees asking for guidance and relief. I always get the same answers... YES, it IS this hard for everyone. LEAN ON EACH OTHER.

My dear neighbor sent me a story that I have read countless times... this silly story has been an answer to prayers:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


Every time I get feeling scared, or down, I think of this. The funny thing is... I would have chosen to go to Holland in the first place, who needs flashy and fast paced? This is our adventure, and I am SO GRATEFUL that I get to do it with my little family.

My point is, friends, as the shock is wearing off... something surprising has happened.
We are finding that... WE ARE STILL HAPPY! My "why me disease," is being treated. Life is different, but still good, we are finding joys despite the fears, and we still have our precious little girl. What a wonderful and loving Father in Heaven we have! He is merciful, and He does answer prayers

The Adams family wants to let you all know... you're prayers and fasts are not in vain! We are being heard. We love each of you, we are so thankful, and glad for the love, support and prayers being poured on us. You're all in our hearts and prayers as well.

I am feeling nervous for future medical endeavors, please keep us in your prayers, we will keep you updated. :)